![]() ![]() I tried to find fulfillment in the fantasy relationships I had with others on stage and attempted to make real off stage. In college, my love for theater and acting became my means of escaping my desire to be truly accepted. I quickly became ensnared by alcohol abuse and did many dangerous things that only served to create glue-strong attachments to other people - things like an adulterous relationship with a married man and countless one-night stands with random men I followed home from the bar. I dealt with rejection, depression, anxiety and a giant void in my heart I didn’t know how to fill. And as I grew up, I constantly pursued approval and attention from boys. He was an on-again-off-again alcoholic, and I know it was that missing piece in my life that made me long for genuine love and acceptance. I continued this behavior for a whole decade of my life, until I was about 22.įor most of my youth, I never felt my dad loved me. First it was pornography and cybersex then it slowly moved toward physical sexual encounters. I was only 12 years old when I began giving myself away, piece by piece. ![]()
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